I am convinced that staying attached is better.
I’m also convinced that anchovies make pizza taste So. Much. Better. So…you may have to examine the scriptures to see if what I say is true.
Staying attached is better on a macro level: maintaining long-term friendships; staying married; staying connected to your parents and siblings. And it is better on a micro-level: choosing to invite someone over for coffee; keeping a schedule that has open space so that you can take opportunities to connect in the moment; putting down the (I’m inhibiting adjectives here) phone and looking into the eyes of those in your presence.
Which brings up an important point: attaching can be pleasurable, fun, and interesting. Staying attached is not. Staying attached requires us to tolerate differences, distance and disrespect. We have to face conflict and practice forgiveness. Truly, staying attached can be boring and uncomfortable. The benefits are delayed over our lifetime, which makes it less exciting. Nevertheless, staying attached is deeply meaningful: it gives us purpose, meaning, and identity – all things we long for on this earth (in addition to one of those little chocolate bundt cakes). It provides an avenue to love others deeply. When we stay attached, we are our most real selves.
You’ll be a better human if you do the things required to stay attached. However, the true beauty of becoming a better human is that it is not for your benefit – it’s for the benefit of others. Since you will have developed maturity and security over the years of staying attached, people around you will learn how to stay attached through you. Ideally, they will then provide a secure attachment for others who will then become mature and secure… you see where I am going with this.
The good news is that staying attached is not something that some people are able to do and others are not. It’s something we learn over time. It is something we move toward (or away from) through many, many decisions we make. It’s choosing to not call other people names (aka narcissist*). It’s remembering that this crazy co-worker is, oh yeah, created by God. It’s understanding that I’m not exactly a peach to live with and I can extend patience and grace while we figure out why you’re being so hard to relate to!
Staying attached is something I talk about in many realms because I want us all to move in this direction. It’s certainly relevant when I speak on marriage and relationships. It’s also highly influential in my talks about God. I see so much in the Bible teaching how to stay attached to the Lord. Staying attached plays out heavily in our mental health – we must stay attached to reality! As soon as we pull away from reality, we are toying with mental health disorders. Finally, I love to help mental health professionals stay attached to their calling. By providing sound training in all of these areas, I hope to pass along ways we can choose to stay attached and love others well.
*I think if we made people spell narcissist every time they called someone a narcissist, we’d hear a lot less of it.